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The Art of Active Listening

There is an art to knowing how to really listen.  To be an active listener, you must really apply your mind and body into the listening.  An active listener wants to listen and makes it clear to the talker that they are interested in the conversation.  To be a great dog person, you must be a great listener.

There are so many opportunities to listen.  Now, folks don't be afraid to sit within earshot of me at the shows for fear I will be eavesdropping on your conversation.  I'm not talking about that kind of listening.  I am talking about when you are with a group of dog people, you should be interested in everything being said.  There is a great education in conversation.

Let's assume you have done all the really important things to prepare you to be a good dog person.  You have learned your breed standard back and forth and can recite it.  You have taken handling classes and know how to move your dog around the ring and you have learned how to best use your 5 minutes in the ring.  You have studied your breed structure and movement and feel like you understand gaiting and angles and what makes a dog move.  Now you are ready to listen to others to hear about their experiences in and out of the ring.  You will learn grooming technique and feeding advice.  You will learn tips on how to manage your bitch in heat or in false pregnancy.

Active listening will give you information that is hard to come by in books. You should ask questions when you hear terms or phrases you don't understand.  You will hear stories that people have had and you can perhaps help save yourself from having the same experience or at least know what to do.  If you have done all the work prior to starting your Active Listening, you should have enough basic information to determine if what you are hearing sounds reasonable or is it simple Poppycock!  

Remember, even though the vast majority of people will go out of their way to help you and would never deliberately give you bad information, there are people that think they are authorities on dog fancy but unfortunately they have never taken the time to learn the hard stuff and they just spout nonsense.  Active Listening will quickly give you enough information to know if you should invest anymore time on that person's conversation.

Don't be afraid to approach the professionals, breeders, other owner/handlers to ask advice.  Showing them that you are a good listener and you can put their advice into practice (if it is suitable for your situation), will build a respect for you and you will have earned a supporter.  

Here are hints on Active Listening:      

1. Pay Attention

Give the speaker your undivided attention, and acknowledge the message. Recognize that non-verbal communication also "speaks" loudly.

• Look at the speaker directly.
• Put aside distracting thoughts.
• Don't mentally prepare a rebuttal!
• Avoid being distracted by environmental factors. For example, side conversations.
• "Listen" to the speaker's body language.

2. Show That You're Listening

Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention.

• Nod occasionally.
• Smile and use other facial expressions.
• Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting.
• Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like yes, and uh huh.

3. Provide Feedback

Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This may require you to reflect what is being said and ask questions.

• Reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. "What I'm hearing is," and "Sounds like you are saying," are great ways to reflect back.
• Ask questions to clarify certain points. "What do you mean when you say." "Is this what you mean?"
• Summarize the speaker's comments periodically.

4. Defer Judgment

Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits full understanding of the message.

• Allow the speaker to finish each point before asking questions.
• Don't interrupt with counter arguments.

5. Respond Appropriately

Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining information and perspective. You add nothing by attacking the speaker or otherwise putting him or her down.

• Be candid, open, and honest in your response.
• Assert your opinions respectfully.
• Treat the other person in a way that you think he or she would want to be treated.

French Bulldogs Canada 
                       Part 1 of 2

              By Carol Gravestock

It’s a typical Tuesday evening, and I’m doing one of the chores I have come to dread most as a French Bulldog breeder, and head of a French Bulldog breed club and rescue – checking my voice mails.

“We’re looking for a Frenchie – a blue one or maybe one of the black ones. We thought it would be fun to breed it. What kinds of prices do you have on yours? Call me back”.

“I want to get a French Bulldog puppy, and I’ve been talking to a breeder I found through Kijiji. They said they can meet me at the Wal-Mart parking lot to drop the puppy off, and I was wondering if you knew anything about these people”.

“We have a French Bulldog, and she keeps biting our kid. Can someone from your shelter call us back and let us know where we can drop her off? I want her gone before the weekend”.

For French Bulldog aficionados, the last ten years have been a crash course in what happens when an obscure breed becomes insanely popular. It’s a course almost none of us have enjoyed very much.    

When I decided I was ready for a dog, I knew exactly what I wanted – as a third generation breeder, I knew I wanted the sturdiness and strength of my Grandmother’s beloved mastiffs, without the size, and I knew I did not want the coat or grooming requirements of my Mother’s English Cockers. A photograph in a dog breed book of three leashed and huffing French Bulldogs caught my attention, and after a little bit of research, I knew that this was the breed for me. Where to find one, however, was a daunting challenge.

In the eighties, if you wanted a show potential French Bulldog, it required deep pockets and a lot of stubborn determination. Litters were few and far between (literally far – you had to be prepared to either get on a plane yourself, or have your puppy shipped cargo), and the breeders who had them tended to spend as much time swapping puppies back and forth between each other as they did selling puppies to newcomers. I had my first puppy shipped in from Texas, and my next two came from Missouri (shut up) and Arizona. All three of them had horrific genetic defects, serious enough to require euthanasia in one instance, and placement as pets in the other two.

My third show prospect I researched with the diligence of a madwoman, calling breeders from around the world, none of whom knew quite what to make of this obsessed Canadian. Eventually, I flew across the ocean to the UK, where I then boarded a train into the middle of Northern England, and then took a taxi to a row house in the middle of a working class suburb.

“I’m here for my puppy!”, I burbled to the bored looking woman who answered the door. “Oh, right. Hang on, then”, she replied, before shutting the door in my face. Five minutes later she returned, handing me an undersized brindle mite who looked almost as puzzled as I surely did. She seemed to feel this exchange of goods (my envelope of cash, her puppy) concluded our business, and she prepared to shut the door in my face almost instantly.

“I… I think I need to come in and get some paperwork and whatnot”, I protested meekly. The woman sighed, and reluctantly let me into her over crowded sitting room, with a lovely view of a back garden full of what I believed to be rabbit hutches (but which I later learned were their dog runs). The puppy and I exchanged a look that clearly said, “Get me the hell out of this joint”, so once I’d been handed my packet full of paperwork (the important bits of which, I later learned, were all missing) she and I bolted for the door.

The kindest thing anyone in dogs has ever done for me was the reaction of Dr. Richard Meen when I proudly showed him my new import puppy (who I today realize was pretty much a train wreck, no matter how much I loved her). After being introduced to my gay tailed, fiddle fronted, tiny headed darling, and asked for his opinion, Dr. Meen said words to the effect of, “I’m sure you’ll have a lot of fun with her”.

Today, anyone seeking a puppy will have a much easier time than I did. French Bulldog popularity has boomed in the last ten years, and we’ve gone from an obscure breed that almost no one had ever heard of, to one of the fastest climbing “AKC Top Ten Most Popular” dog breeds of the last fifty years.

Martha Stewart might have started the celebrity rush to French Bulldog ownership, but Ashley Olsen, Reese Witherspoon, Leonardo DiCaprio and a host of hipsters and young urban professionals have all helped to increase the desirability of French Bulldogs. Demand combined with high puppy prices has created a virtual goldmine for both backyard breeders and big business puppy mills.

Today, almost any online sales site will be happy to provide you with a ‘show quality’ French Bulldog in any color of the rainbow (even the colors we’re not allowed to show). In Canada, CKC registrations of French Bulldogs have increased tenfold – from less than a dozen puppies registered per year in all of Canada, to dozens of litters every week. This doesn’t even take into account the booming trade in import brokered puppies – puppies brought over in bulk from Eastern Europe, and resold at a hefty mark up.

As you can imagine, this dramatic increase in availability has also led to an astronomical strain on French Bulldog rescue. Where once we’d place perhaps two or three dogs per year, rescue in Canada now routinely deals with two or three dogs per week. Many of these dogs show serious temperament issues – not just towards other dogs, but towards people, something inconceivable in a well bred French Bulldog. Placing these dogs is a challenge that we are all struggling to meet, and harder decisions are coming for all of us in French Bulldog rescue to make.

Part 2 Next Week

Carol Gravestock, Bullmarket French Bulldogs,  lives in the Village of Durham, near the Bruce Peninsula.

Carol Gravestock purchased her first pet quality French Bulldog in 1989 – a little cream bitch she affectionately refers to as the ‘gateway drug of dogs’. 

Since then, Bullmarket French Bulldogs have finished championships in almost twenty countries around the world, with numerous American, Canadian and International Champions. Carol has also bred one of only two Brindle Pied French Bulldogs to win Best of Breed at Westminster, and is breeder of the current youngest Best in Show winning French Bulldog in Canadian breed history. While proud of her show wins, Carol is equally proud that one of her French Bulldogs was invited to the Eukanuba Agility Invitational at the age of fourteen.

The co founder of Canada’s first ever French Bulldog breed club, Carol is now President of the Eastern Canada French Bulldog Club, while also serving on the board of two North American French Bulldog rescue groups. Carol is also the proud creator of the internet’s first French Bulldog specific web pages and mailing list.

She has written extensively about French Bulldog collectibles, breed history and historical owners of French Bulldogs, and on the intricacies of French Bulldog coat color genetics.

Websites: www.bullmarketfrenchbulldogs.com

www.frenchbulldogscanada.com

My Home Club is having its annual show.  I hope to see many of you there!

     

I like to see people do nice things for others.  If someone does something nice for you at a show or you see or hear about something nice being done, please send me an email at djenkins@shaw.ca.   Be sure to put in the subject: Nice

We will mention that person by name in the blog.

I interviewed Maude Bicknell this week.  I want to spotlight her here, but I want it to be a real celebration of her service to Dog Fancy.  If you have any photos of Maude or any stories you would like to share, please send them to my email:  djenkins@shaw.ca and be sure to put Maude in the subject line.    Maude has dedicated herself to the betterment of our shows.  I am so honored and thrilled to Spotlight such a wonderful lady.  My deadline is next Monday, June 3rd.  

Thanks for helping me make this a real tribute to Maude.

Remember to watch for "Nice Deeds".  They are happening all around us.  Let's talk about the people helping others.   Send your "Nice Deeds" to me at djenkins@shaw.ca 
Be sure to go to Canuck Dogs, http://www.canuckdogs.com, to see all the upcoming events and to check stats.  You should  bookmark it.  That's where you will find my blog. 

                                                                     XXXOOO